The following is a portion of a series of reflections on the book War of Words by Paul David Tripp. You may also want to read the first and second reflections in this series.

Tripp sums up the Biblical approach to relationships and communication on page 160: “We all need a redemptive perspective on our relationships.” The purpose of communication, then, is not to get a message across. It is not to make yourself heard, nor is it to achieve happiness, mutual understanding, or agreement on a controversial issue. The purpose of communication–and in fact, the message of the Gospel–is redemption. Tripp goes on to tell the agonizing story of a father and his son’s sin, ending with this comment about redemption: “[God] called [the father] to share in the suffering so that [the father] would share in the glory of [God's] work of change” (173).

Throughout Tripp’s final section on winning the war of words, there is no emphasis on achieving any goal other than God’s. Repeated focus is put on the heart. Further, the Christian is called to repent before speaking. That repentance is key in solving communication, rather than an established set of tips or techniques. “Repentance in Scripture is defined as a radical change in your heart that leads to a radical change in your life” (177). Heart change, then, leads to life change–and of course the words that are emitted from a Gospel heart will be aligned with the Gospel, rather than a personal agenda.

God’s mission through Jesus was and is to rescue sinful man. As part of that mission, every Christian is called to be a minister of reconciliation:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. –2 Cor. 5:17-20

There’s a simple and logical conclusion here. If all Christians are called to reconcile, and to be agents of God, then our chief end must necessarily be rescue and reconciliation. Further, it is the message of reconciliation we are entrusted with. A message is ultimately a collection of words. How does a Christian win the war of words? They seek to reconcile others to God through Jesus Christ. Ultimately, this end has little to do with winning for the individual at all.